Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Critique

There were many conflicts in my story that were pointed out today, and the feedback should make the story stronger.

I think I'm going to not have the nutria entice the egret because some thought that element was conflicting to the character. Instead of a time lapse of environmental change while the egret feeds off of bread, I'm gonna have him do more than feed off of bread, but have him receive food in other ways where he does not have to work for it. The egret will get so fat that he won't be able to fly. I need to show him becoming more aggressive with his lazy habits.
During critique, someone suggested that the egret needs a strong low point in the piece and I agree. I was thinking that while the fat man tries to eat the egret, the egret gets hurt. That's one idea. I think I should consider other ideas for this bird's all time low.
Now, I need to rethink the third act of the piece. I am taking consideration of the feedback I received today. I am thinking that once the egret is wounded and at a low point is where he finds his brothers for help. This is where I'm having trouble with the story since I'm no longer am going to have the egret be rebuked by his own brothers. Someone suggested that the egret becomes greedy and while his brothers are fishing and collecting fish, the egret doesn't help them catch fish, but he eats what they catch anyway and that's when he gets rebuked and he has no where else to go to for food.
I still want the egret to go to the nutria and be given a root for food but can't get himself to eat it. I still want him to be eaten by the gator, but it may be because he cannot fly away that he gets eaten. I really want the gator's eating of the egret to be a surprise factor though. I wanted the focus to be on the egret eating the fish that the gator is totally unexpected and the gator's consuming of the egret is in sync with the egret's consuming of the fish. I think I'm going to stick with the latter because I can show the egret's inability to fly in the second act.

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